


Foolish Assumptions

by Zaniida



Series: MCU Oneshots [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Asgardian gender bias, COVID-19 (Coronavirus), Gen, Prank Wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:09:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23425282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaniida/pseuds/Zaniida
Summary: When Thor implies that Pepper isn't heroic enough to have hadrealadventures or facerealopponents, Pepper bites her tongue and plans a little payback.
Series: MCU Oneshots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1490792
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	Foolish Assumptions

**Author's Note:**

> Just got back from my vacation (a week at a friend's house in virtual quarantine, which was quite relaxing), and I'm ready to dive back into writing! (I made a little headway while I was there, but trying to type on a QWERTY layout is hard enough without it being a small laptop keyboard, and that really slowed me down and made it less fun. So glad to get back to my full-size Dvorak!) Here's a little warmup for the next section of the year here!
> 
> Please note that the canonical timeline might be a little weird for this piece, and I _still_ haven't seen _Iron Man 3_. It's on my list! I'm just restricting my movies to days when my mom can also watch them, on account of the amount of extra time I don't have right now. If any significant errors show up, count this as a slight AU.

Steve, Thor, and Bucky were the only heroes allowed to ignore quarantine, as they couldn’t spread COVID-19 (or anything else) and thus were still able to move about the city, distributing supplies to those who couldn’t dare to leave their homes right now, along with keeping an eye out for the few mini-riots that had begun to break out.

But even heroes have to rest, and they all returned to the Tower for a late dinner and, as Thor put it, the sharing of heroic tales of how they’d conquered mighty foes.

It had gone around the table: Steve’s fight against Red Skull, Bucky’s early days in the army, Bruce’s defense of a small family while they’d been hiding from raiders, Natasha’s first mission with SHIELD, Clint’s thrilling escape from an ambush, Tony’s defeat of Stane—

—and then, as Pepper opened her mouth to add her own tale, the encounter with Killian, Thor raised his glass and said, “A toast to Lady Potts!” and then, as the rest amiably raised their glasses, added, “Praise the Norns for granting Tony a helpmeet in dealing with the traitorous Stane! Perhaps someday she will have conquered villains of her own, and have tales of her own to share!”

Briefly, and without letting her smile slip, Pepper mulled over the many problems with Thor’s assertion, and how she could decisively counter each issue. But as she looked over the faces around the table, she didn’t see a single expression of doubt or defiance, nothing to indicate that anyone was troubled by Thor’s assertion on her behalf.

So when she heard Tony draw breath, she elbowed him lightly and accepted Thor’s backhanded praise. And Tony had the sense to take her hint, and just get out of her way.

It would take at least a week to set up, Pepper thought as she lay her head on her pillow that night. But oh, her revenge would be _glorious_ , and they would never again think her a passive afterthought.

* * *

Clint always hit the target range before breakfast. His first shot struck dead-on—and the target exploded in a gush of purple foam that he was too startled to avoid.

After the spray had died down, he blinked, wiped his face, and tentatively sniffed his hand.

Grape soda. Clint scowled; he _hated_ grape soda.

* * *

Steve got up early for his morning run, but when he slipped his foot into his sneaker his toes unexpectedly poked out the far end. Upon further inspection, his shoes turned out to be three sizes too small, and both had had their tips carefully sliced open.

* * *

Bucky wiped the sleep from his eyes, took a quick shower, and went to get dressed.

When he reached into the pile of clean shirts, they suddenly reached out for him!

Once the adrenaline reaction died down, he inspected the garments that were stuck to his arm. Powerful magnets had been sewn into the seams of every cuff.

* * *

After her morning ablutions, Natasha dried her hair, dressed, and headed for the door, her stomach already rumbling.

The doorknob zapped her so hard that she stumbled back a pace, and when she gathered herself she found that her hair had gone frizzy.

* * *

Natasha was seated at the table, eating her oatmeal in an especially grumpy manner, when Thor showed up, cheerfully ignoring everything and everyone in his quest for Pop-Tarts.

But when he tipped a pair of them into his hand, his face went puzzled. Examining them more closely, he found them to be some sort of plastic replica. (He tried a bite anyway, but spat it out in disgust.) The same for every other box he went through—dozens of them.

He sat down at the table with a most woebegone expression, and Natasha wordlessly slid over her half-finished bowl of oatmeal.

* * *

When Bruce turned on his laptop, he was bombarded with the theme song for Barney the Dinosaur.

He couldn’t lower the volume.

He couldn’t get it to log off or even hibernate.

He couldn’t get it to _turn_ off, even after he’d opened the back and removed what he’d thought was the battery.

Even plugging in headphones had no effect.

Eventually, he shoved the laptop into the fridge and left to find Tony. His neck was turning just the slightest tinge of… purple.

* * *

Pepper woke from her dream with a grin on her face, only to have it fade as she realized the problem: Thanks to the widespread effects of the Coronavirus on the global economy, shipping services had been diverted to handle necessities first and foremost. Medicine and health care supplies, tech and office supplies so that more people could work from home, food and takeout bags for the innumerable people who weren’t making their food entirely at home even now.

Custom supplies to run a variety of pranks were pretty low on the list and, to be honest, at the moment, a little selfish.

Pepper sighed as she stretched out, beginning her own morning routine. There was no hurry. Her perfected vengeance could wait another couple of months—or another year, if need be. And, in the meantime, she’d just have to get a little more creative with the supplies she had around the Tower.

**Author's Note:**

> For those who missed last year's piece (which was mostly a _Person of Interest_ fic pasted across an Avengers scene), see [Fledgling Avengers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18315584).
> 
> Happy April Fools' Day! Hope you found ways to raise spirits with a little pleasant [japery](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/jape). Remember, if all participants are enjoying the fallout, it's the good kind of teasing! Just don't get your fun from making other people feel bad. (With rare exceptions for "they started it!" prank wars. People who use ill-mannered pranks deserve to get a little comeuppance.)
> 
> * * *
> 
> By the by, that thing about being unable to turn off a very noisy tech device, that draws from an incident in my childhood when I was at a sleepover and had gotten up before the rest of the household.
> 
> The night before, I had been introduced to the _ElfQuest_ filk songs (on cassette), and I figured I'd take the boombox downstairs and listen to Strongbow's theme a lot (I'm pretty sure I'd worn out my friends the night before by wanting the song over and over, but I've always been the type to enjoy repetition of new things that I enjoy).
> 
> What I didn't realize was that another pair of adults had also showed up and bedded down in the basement, in the room I was heading for. So that was a thing, to begin with.
> 
> But halfway down the stairs, I dropped the heavy boombox, and it turned on. LOUD.
> 
> And I'm sure I had the concept of batteries in my head at the time -- it's unlikely that I'd gotten to that age without understanding this -- and I probably could've fiddled around and figured out how to turn down the volume, but, at that moment, I was completely frozen. Because the fast way to turn off a noisy appliance was to pull the plug, right? But the horrible haunted object _wasn't even plugged in!!_
> 
> (Eventually, my host's mom showed up and turned it off.)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [(In)Visibility](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23568874) by [Crazy_Cat_Lady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_Cat_Lady/pseuds/Crazy_Cat_Lady)




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